Building Confidence

Confidence via Breath In, Just Dance. on Tumblr

I am a firm believer that setting goals, establishing plans and trying your hardest to stick to them is one of the best ways to build self confidence and self love. We all know the benefits of being confident. We are naturally attracted to people that speak with kindness and humility but also exude the self esteem to be able to do so. I am not talking about the fake air of superficial arrogance and vanity. I mean good old, motivating, contagious fearlessness that helps you discover your true potential and live a successful and meaningful life.

We are not born with natural confidence.

We develop through security, trust and optimism. With each of our steps and each new thing we experience we start to develop the determination that will motivate us to keep on trying new things. I love being around babies and toddlers so much for this reason alone. They fall down, they cry, they throw a tantrum but eventually they try it again almost as if they forgot they ever failed before. It’s adorable and inspiring all at once.

Of course, we get more complicated as we grow and the dark gunk of emotions and heartache can make things difficult. In order to continue growing as people we need to be open to trying and doing new things. However it doesn’t seem as easy as it once was does it? Perhaps we know too much now. We know that falling hurts and failing can hurt too. So we need a little extra help.

Of course personal affirmations can help. Surrounding yourself with healthy and positive people helps too. There is another way to create security needed for growth and that is through setting attainable goals, following through and giving a big old pat on the back at the end. Achieving a goal in your professional and creative life can give you a big quick bolt of confidence and also builds competence in your field. The first step is starting with a small goal and setting up a realistic plan to obtain it.

Take account of everything you have done so far in your life.

If you want to eventually get the courage and confidence to leave your job but you are full of fear, take note of that time you traveled around Europe alone. Try to close your eyes and find that person again. Was it the excitement of a new place and the beauty of the countryside that fueled you through the fear of the unknown? Is there a way that you can conjure of those feelings of excitement again?

Be honest with yourself.

Don’t take on too much at once that will make it hard to accomplish anything. If you want to do one new painting a week maybe it isn’t the best time to also decide to revamp your entire website.  We can only do so much. Think about what you would expect from others. Would you expect one of your loved ones to put too much on their plate? No? Then don’t do it to yourself.

Make a solid plan and try to stick to it.

Work backwards from the goal as we discussed last month. Break tasks down into months and then into weeks until you can see a manageable and achievable schedule. Develop a reward system for yourself when you follow it. I am a big fan of natural frozen yogurt and chocolate. Just saying.

Don’t wait till the perfect time to start. It doesn’t exist.
Practice self forgiveness.

I have been working with a client who when we first met she was beating herself up for not getting everything done. After we restructured her schedule, set some deadlines and introduced the beauty of timer into her life, she accomplished everything she wanted to do and still had time relax. When she came down with the flu, she didn’t freak out because she trusted her schedule and trusted herself. She spent two days on the couch and slept. At the end of the week when she felt better she was able to put up her Facebook and Yelp pages and complete her website. When I asked her what that felt like, she said it felt good to trust her plan and to forgive. Trust yourself, trust your schedule and forgive yourself. Beating yourself up is just wasted time.

Start with one goal.

Whether it is taking a new step in your professional life or the development of a good habit in your personal life, start small if you are struggling. These small steps are crucial to the development of the much needed self love and trust.  Goal setting is addictive as well. I promise. Don’t be worried that you are selling yourself short with the small ones.  Cherish the fact that the small ones will lead to bigger and better things and give yourself a little break.  I could spend hours reading Leo Babauta’s blog Zen Habits. One of my favorite posts is about how he gained control of an unhealthy lifestyle and his belief in the Spiral of Success. It’s a must read. Actually everything he writes is a must read.

So time management and goals and developing habits aren’t only about making your life tidier and cleaner and leaner. It is about loving yourself and the people that fill your life. It is about learning trust and becoming a good role model to your children. It’s about real, in your face, juicy, bursting, contagious tenacity and spirit.

 

Shelly Kerry — Lightbox SF

Shelly is the motivation and creativity side of Lightbox SF. As a jewelry designer she has spent many years testing and honing the skills and discipline needed to run your own creative business while still having time for friends, family and fun. She puts her wealth of experience to use in the Creating Space service – weekly advice to help keep you motivated, push through those stuck times, and make the most out of your already busy schedule. She will help you find the space in your head and the space in your life to pursue your dreams and she’ll always insist there’s time for yourself.

Besides creating and running her own jewelry design business, em’s studio, Shelly writes guest posts on living your best life on well-known blogs such as Kanelstrand, Handmade Success and Awfully Grand and is pursuing a Core Strengths coaching certificate through San Francisco State University.

 

 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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10 Comments on “Building Confidence

  1.  by  Jan Hamilton Crowley

    totally excellent post! Setting goals is so important-I have found that small goals put together become big things, and bring such a sense of accomplishment and motivation! Thanks so much -needed to read this today….

  2.  by  kerry

    Thank you so much for this post Shelly! I really like your unique perspective. After you sent this to me last week I really enjoyed watching my one year old try and try again all weekend long. I like that you gave me the opportunity to learn from him and to invite some of that fearless attitude into my own efforts!

    I am with you Jan and plan on setting some small goals to get me going in the direction I want to be headed!

  3.  by  shelly

    Thanks ladies! I love how great I feel after accomplishing a bunch of little goals, knowing that they will make the larger ones easier to reach!
    Kerry – children, wow! Are they not amazing? Sometimes I forget that I was once that fearless too

  4.  by  Claudia Hepler

    I loved your post. I have played what I have called ‘The Ten Game’ for years. Anytime I am faced with a task I don’t want to do or feel that I can’t do…I break it down into 10 much smaller bits and tackle them. The end is the same but it feels much easier getting there.

  5.  by  kerry

    @Claudia – You Ten Game is brilliant! I will have to try it out!

    @Vicky – I’ll be improving mine right along with you :)

  6.  by  Irene Zuccarello

    Totally agree with Claudia! Breaking down goals into smaller tasks is… life-saving!!

    I’m full of notepads and sheets with mini-tasks to insert on my daily list of things to do. It helps me to accomplish my projects without feeling the whole burden of the big final goal!

  7. Pingback: Guest Maven: Kerry Burki with Tips for Getting Motivated to Begin | The Maven Circle

  8.  by  kerry

    I love reading that you have mini-tasks that go into your todo list Irene! You guys are giving me me such great ideas! I like the idea of writing down the smaller tasks I need to do to get to my goal even if it is a small one. Plus, I like crossing things off as done!